So near yet so far

A day away. Dawn before valentine's day. I felt weird because that was the first time I didn't feel my breakdance boy play around my womb. I already prayed my heart out to the Lord. I fell fast asleep on that night, I felt that somebody sung a lullabye on my ear softly and I felt someone soothe tapped my bottom for me to have that deep sleep. When I woke up 2pm on the 13th of february which was my second to the eldest nephew's birthday. Just like my ordinary day. I ate, swam before my eyes on my lappy and one thing is not right I told myself because since I slept, I haven't felt my baby moved yet. And it is the first time I experienced it. I'm still praying from my heart of hearts. As soon as I stepped on my 2nd semester of my pregnancy he never failed to kick and roll around my tummy. That's why it bothers me at that moment why is he not making any movement. I surfed the net and I learned that some babies mostly if it's the mother's due date they usually gather energy for the big day so they just hibernate. I texted his father to come along right after office. And so did he. After dinner we went to OB's clinic to know if I could be admitted that time and the rest is history. It was around 10pm then. We also got second opinion on a midwife at emergency Taytay. On valetine's eve we rushed at the hospital then since it's already my due date. I saw my previous room mate when I was in high school and so happenned to be one of the doctors that would be there on the process of the operation. I felt relieved that someone I know would be there for me in the OR since my big baby is not allowed inside. I also asked her hints and she just said we'll see after your ceasarian section operation. So I patiently waited. At 2am they put me to OR and do their job. Te Ross my former room mate showed Wan and I barely saw him since I was high because of the anesthesia and injectable sleeping drug. She just said 3 rounds of umbilical cord wrapped his neck and he already pooped inside my womb. The only thing I remember I said was please revive him. Everytime I woke up a number of times from sleep and I heard a baby crying. I will ask the attending nurse 'Is that my little one?' and she would just say "mommy wag ka magsalita makakasama sayo". Next thing I know I was already at the surgical ward and my family was there and I asked them where's Wan. They just said he's already an angel. Yeah you got it right. All I could do is cry my heart out and asked myself again 'why'. And I heard the same reason once more. It is God's will. Just a day away, me and my big baby suppose to see our Wan and only. So near yet so far.

photo credit:  http://katchapet.files.wordpress.com/2010/06/heart-hand.jpg